In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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