did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
