My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
