I am spending my child support on dildos
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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