all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
