if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
