Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
