i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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