My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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