So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
