youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize