i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
