Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
