If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
