Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Did I show you my penis last night?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
