that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
