If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize