At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
