do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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