The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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