her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
