That's intense
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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