kristin has been a bad kristin
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
