Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
