well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
