I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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