I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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