WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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