I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
