Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
