He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
