cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
