Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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