Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
