If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
