bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
