Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
