so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
