I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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