Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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