The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
