I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize