I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
