i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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