I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
