My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
