4 words: hood of his car
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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