i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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