you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
