Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
