this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
