I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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