Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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