Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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