that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
