Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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