I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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