Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She made me pour olive oil on her.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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