you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize