I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
