The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
