my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
