Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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