Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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