you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
