so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
