girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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