I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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