So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
