The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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