here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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